she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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