I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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