I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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