What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
