No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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