I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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