i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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