What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
