Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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