You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
should my penis look like a turkey
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
