I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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