hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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