How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I will die if light touches me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
