now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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