I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I could make wine with my vomit
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You ate ashes out of my bong
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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