Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
