hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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