The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
