I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
