dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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