to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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