i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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