my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You pole danced in your parka.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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