whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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