I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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