If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
