I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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