Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
