this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
