do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
