Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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