and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
