this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
