i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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