No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
