I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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