She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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