apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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