I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
