I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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