dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
