yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
