I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
