i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
