i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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