Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
