the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize