I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
