I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
