i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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