it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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