How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
