Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
