honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Small penises have feelings too.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
