you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
