there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
