In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
