I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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