I just threw up on my dentist
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
