His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
