I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
