Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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