ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
