Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
