I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
