I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
