May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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