And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
