you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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