i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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