I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
