I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
