I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
