My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
